Dos And Don’ts Of A Fab Friend

So, I’ve noticed that some people don’t really understand what being a friend is all about. There’s a bad trend that occurs when friends break up- you let everyone in on the secrets they’ve told you. In your mind, you’ve paid them back for hurting you but truly you’ve just let everyone see and know the kind of person you are. It means you’re not trustworthy. It means you’re a backstabber. It means you’re not true. No matter what happens between you and anyone, no one else is meant to hear about it. I mean why on earth would any free-thinking person feel revenge is best served gossiped?

I get that not all friendships are built to last. We hurt each other, at times without intending to. We fail to understand the sacredness of friendship- it is not just an idea but reality. Friends are just like an extension of our families. They’re the ones who help pick you up when you fall. Friends are the support pillars of your social life. Friends are your own personal community. But, we have those people who don’t fully comprehend the roles they have to play as friends.

Rose, never understood why I couldn’t tell her everything about me. She felt I was secretive but I knew Rose didn’t know how to keep some ‘classified information’ to herself. She had a basket mouth-it leaked everything and anything to all and sundry. But the strange part was even when you told Rose what she was doing wrong as a friend, Rose would still continue in her ways. Rose never understood the concept of secrets which was why I never told Rose anything deep. Was I wrong?

I didn’t feel I was wrong. All I did was to keep Rose at arm’s length while keeping my secrets to myself. You need to understand that not all friendships are meant to be. You need to understand that for every Rose, there is a Tulip or any other flower name you can think of. LOL.

But before we go pointing fingers and all, being a good friend starts with you and me. We have to do our part and then let our friends do their part.

So, to help us all understand better what it means to be a friend, I decided to create a list of DOS and DON’TS. This doesn’t mean that this list is final but it is a guideline on what we should act like as the fabulous friends that we are.

AS A FAB FRIEND, YOU DON’T;

  • Force your opinion, just give. You’re not your friend’s mother or something!
  • Intrude too much into his/ her personal space…just be there.
  • Give wrong advice just to please your friend. Duh. I mean that alone makes you a bad friend. It is better you give honest advice and not lie. Broken bonds are hard to fix.
  • Tell blatant truths very often. Be honest but be honest at the right times. If she wants shoes that aren’t right with that dress, tell her before you leave the store and not afterwards. That is being honest at the right time!
  • Knock down his/her choices and opinions. Most times to make you feel better. Your support as a friend is vital.
  • Make promises you can’t keep. If you can’t stick to it, don’t say it.
  • Let your friend know that you have a secret if you do not want to share it. I mean, what exactly is the point of doing that? That alone causes unnecessary tension between friends.
  • Gossip about any of your friends. Whether you break up or not, there are some lines you shouldn’t cross. Gossiping about your friends is one of them.
  • Ever date your friend’s ex or someone that they have feelings for or even a crush on. Especially when you know that’s the person she/ he’s crushing on. It’s like an unspoken rule.
  • Drag a friendship that you feel is past its sell-by-date. End it please. Dragging stuff like that won’t help either of you at all.
  • Don’t be a Behavior Monitor (even if they ask you). It is their responsibility to know when they’ve had enough in anything and everything.

AS A FAB FRIEND,  DO;

  • Treat your friends as you would like to be treated. This works all the time.
  • Tell the truth and never lie.
  • Remember the value of a true friend – they are priceless.
  • Respect your friend’s choices.
  • Discuss issues before they become problems.
  • Say what you mean and mean what you say
  • Return what you borrow. It’s respectful and doesn’t give room for disagreements.
  • Understand and accept your limitations – you’re not Dr. Phil. You can be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. But you’re not a psychologist. If you feel your friend needs serious help, direct him/ her to the right person.
  • Stay aware of your friend’s feelings and ask if something doesn’t seem right.  Don’t bug them too much and insist on knowing what’s wrong – give them space. When they want to talk, they will.

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