The Bullies In Our Lives (1)

Have you ever been told you couldn’t do something great? Have you ever been told that you could NEVER be a better person or even be more than you already are? Have you ever been doubted and judged unworthy of greatness and fame?

Well, if you have been told stuff like this, you’ve got a bully or two in your life. I think you should be frustrated by now. There are some things that you don’t think you should take lying down.

Guess what? Not only kids get bullied, adults do too. But, we tend not to realize or understand that we’re being bullied by people in what they say, do, and even how they act towards us.

I believe it’s high time you take the highway to greatness. There are people/ bullies who have cultivated the gift of talking down on others. From what I’ve seen, they derive a special joy and satisfaction in making your life as miserable as possible. They don’t care if you’re a melancholic person by nature or not; they don’t care that you’re an introvert who likes to keep to himself.

These people, or bullies as I call them, always put you down like you have no feelings whatsoever of your own. They, most times, actually don’t care how you feel as long as their message (whatever that is) is passed across to you. But the ways in which they tell what to do and what not to do is actually what matters.

When they do this (talk to you like you don’t have a mind of your own), do you feel worthless? Do you feel like they’re just doing as much as you can to hurt you?

I’ve been there. I got mad and defensive a lot when people talked to me like that. But I got to understand something, like a Yoruba language adage we use here in Nigeria, “ika owo o dogba”. This means that all fingers are not equal. You need to learn, like I did, to treat people according to the measure of their character or understanding.

Here’s what I mean, if you see a 3 year old child playing in the mud, you know that it’s in his nature as a kid to be playful and uncaring of how dirty or muddy they may look after they’re done playing. This is because you already have an understanding of that child, and of children generally.  This same principle applies to adults. You need to understand their character and what motivates them to be the way they are. When you do, you can deal with them efficiently. And I don’t mean deal with them as in hurt them or something bad.

People that put others and you down may do it for several reasons. It is not always on purpose and may not always be meant to hurt you. Understanding what the person’s motive is can help you determine how to deal with her.

  • Some people do it because they are insecure or jealous. They are trying to feel better about themselves by putting you down.
  • Some do it because they are trying to impress someone or get attention. For example, the coworker that criticizes your work in front of the supervisor or that girl in your class that always tries to make you feel like trash when your lecturers are around.
  • Others don’t realize they are doing it or just don’t communicate well. Like that friend or sibling that says, “I never knew you were that smart”.
  • Sometimes people aren’t really trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. They may just consider it harmless teasing. For example, a friend that calls you “fatso” howbeit playfully.

Reacting to what people say isn’t always the best route. And I’ve learnt that karma always has a way of paying people back in their coin, whether they want to admit it or not. So, why don’t you take a step back, relax, and just watch things play out.

It may be difficult to relax and watch people say and do stuff that hurt but this is just one strategy of ignoring bullies. You’ve got to have total control over your mind and emotions. Don’t give people that right to dictate to you how you should feel about yourself.

To find out the other strategies to deal with the bullies in our lives, like and comment on this post. Gracias!

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