Yeah…weird. I know. Funny thing is today seemed like the first time I’d hear the word “Murmuration. Actually, I saw it a few minutes ago and read it in my head. I guess that counts. Today is the day to learn how to perfect the art of Murmuration. Murmuration means…to complain…about everything and anything. “Murmurers” as I like to call em, have basically gotten down to pat the art of murmuration. They gripe, nag, complain, and find almost everything unsatisfactory. I realized today that I was once like that. It seems that I could never find anything good to say about anything or anyone…not that I was perfect but because I wasn’t satisfied with anyone. What they could do, I believed I could do better even when I couldn’t do those things; what they couldn’t do, I made sure they understood how incapable they were or how fruitless their efforts were. If my day was bad, I complained; when it was good, I murmured; when my days were just neutral, I would gripe about the fact that nothing interesting happened. It seemed I enjoyed my dark and dank and positively depressing attitude and habit.
Until the day I was paid back in my coin. I felt embarrassed, insulted, and hurt. I didn’t realize how often I’d trampled on the self-esteem of others through my murmuring. I didn’t pay attention to the fact that the more I murmured, the more bitter I became and the more people withdrew from me. I lost friends, my family knew better than to activate my “murmuring spirit”. It wasn’t cool.
But, one thing I am grateful for is I realized early that I was alienating myself from others via what I said and did. If you want to perfect the art of murmuring, you can chat me up…I always have pointers to give. But, like a slang we use here in Nigeria says, “who e epp?” Who has murmuring, complaining, griping, and groping for something negative to say helped? No one.Truth is we all complain. We all murmur…even the happiest people on earth do. But, murmuring should be minimized and in-fact erased. Many of us murmur at work, at home, about our relationships and love-lives. We gripe about the bus driver or the traffic. Our haircuts and styles ain’t pleasing so we complain about that. We gripe about what we wear and what others wear. Finding something good to say about a lot of things seems like a really tall order.
So, here’s the deal. What if I told you that there are some really easy tips to help you un-perfect the art of murmuring? Yep. There’s such a thing. You don’t need a psychologist to help you work this out. You can stop murmuration if you set your mind to it. Here’s how;
Yep. You just gotta imbibe and swallow up positivity like a pill. Once you learn to see the good even when it’s almost invisible, you can start not complaining. It’s like seeing a rainbow…a pleasing ray of light that absolutely makes you happy. To stop complaining, you first need to accept that you’re not perfect and that no one else is perfect. Life was created with its ups and downs for us to learn…not take out our frustration on others.
Learn to adapt:
Know one thing I love about chameleons? You guessed it right. It’s their ability to adapt to change and just roll with it. They don’t blame anyone else for how their lives are….at least I don’t think they do. Change is constant, that’s why we have tomorrows and the days after. You may find it hard to adjust to changes especially when they come unexpectedly but the beauty of life also lies in our abilities to roll with changes and to adapt. Learn to accept your current situations and work with what you’ve got.
Stop thinking so much about the past:
Yes, you need to stop. When you reminisce so much about bad stuff and forget about the good stuff, it helps you become a better “murmurer”. You need to understand that the past cannot be changed and that worrying about the future isn’t much better. You need to sit up and address all those negative thoughts as they come. Learn to accept life; what it’s given you and what it hasn’t given you and work with it. Life could be likened to onions…there are so many layers left to experience. You can’t afford to let the bad overshadow the good.
Stand up straight:
Truth is some people think they can get away with talking rudely with you, especially when it seems you’re changing. Especially when it seems you don’t complain, gripe, or murmur like before. This doesn’t mean you should become anyone’s doormat. You need to learn to stand up straight and speak for yourself. Speak with confidence and say exactly what you mean. Don’t be lacking in that. It’s good not to complain but don’t be scared to speak your mind the right way.
Stop being “judgey”:
You gotta stop being judgmental. You need to stop being so critical of others and yourself. It doesn’t help. Everyone makes mistakes…even the perfectionists. Criticism often leads to complaining. There are common phrases that often start a complaining spree like “should have, could have, would have”. You need to be less controlling and freer. Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize.
Only serve yourself the responsibility due you:
Accept responsibility for YOUR mistakes and no one else’s. Like an article on lifehack.org says “the first step to being responsible starts with self-respect”. Start respecting yourself and the decisions you make. Only keep people in your life who respect you for who you are and not what they want you to be. You should learn to trust yourself. At times, we complain when people make decisions for us that we’re not totally happy with but we go ahead and do what they say anyway.
Understand that complaining is dangerous:
Yes, it is. It tells on your health, how you look, how you feel, and even how you think. When you’re tempted to gripe, make a conscious effort not to. If you need to create and repeatedly recite a mantra for you to stop complaining, please create one. “I will not complain…I will not perfect the art of murmuration”…
Finally, to take a verse from the Bible;
“For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].”