A Woman, Not A Puppet

I’ve been thinking about whether to post this or not but…..

“I have accepted you. I have chosen you. I see you differently because you are from my place. You are my final bus stop. If you like, I can impregnate you (he was touching my abdomen) right now and pay your bride price tomorrow…..”

He ordered, not accepting any objections from me. Not accepting any explanations, not minding if i was okay with him, if I had accepted him, because, “I am the man and you as a woman is supposed to satisfy my urge. Whoever you are or whatever you have does not count until you have a man…..” and on and on.

All these on our first date. I felt violated. Yes, he was getting all ‘handsy’ and that pissed me off. I swatted his hands away from me each time. But most importantly, its the notion that I am supposed to bow down to him because he is ‘almighty Man.’ Apparently, he believes he is so irresistible because he is a man, a wealthy and influential man for that matter. You can imagine the size of his ego. I’m sure it was taller than Kilimanjaro. You can’t sit with him for five minutes and not get a full dose of how much he has achieved and how much he has helped people. For one, I don’t fancy people who kiss and tell.

He kept pushing me to lay all my financial burdens before his feet and surrender my will to him, the ‘Lord of lords’. I was tempted, trust me. In a flash, I saw the many challenges he can solve with a wave of his wallet and a phone call. But, I was too angry. He did not even listen to me. No, more like he didn’t care about my thoughts or opinions.

For two solid hours inside his car after the date,(which I didn’t enjoy by the way) I didn’t say up to ten sentences and for each sentence said, I got a full reprimand. With words but I’m sure he can easily use his hands with the aggressiveness of his words.

I didn’t believe there were educated men with this kind of mind set about a woman. I mean you could smell his selfishness from miles away. You want to get married and everything you said boiled down to “me?”

“My father will accept you.”
“I told my brother about you.”
“I don’t have time for relationship.”
“You can only know me if I want.”


God. My blood was on fire. I didn’t know I had such restrain. I just sat down there, waiting for him to finish and let me out of the car. I was too tired to argue. It was pointless.

* * *
Any man that will use you as his doormat will tell you in his reactions. You can see it in his eyes and pick it up from unsaid words.

I have no problems with submitting to the man I decide to marry. It’s a marriage and we’ve got to allow some things slide. But, before I decide, I look at many factors. I mean many factors. It’s better to be single than spend all the days of your married life unhappy. Happiness is too important to toy with.

I’m still recovering from that encounter.

Writer: Joy Kadiri


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