When you are coping with emotional abuse in your intimate relationship,
you can feel completely alone, frightened, and confused about what is
happening to you.
You may wonder if you are going crazy, if anyone else in the world is
experiencing the same kind of abuse you are experiencing with your
partner. You fear the pain and heartache of the situation will last forever.
One of the most important actions an emotional abuse victim can take is to
reach out to others for support and feedback, even if reaching out feels
embarrassing or frightening. Learning more about emotional abuse,
recognizing that you aren’t alone, and educating yourself on how to rebuild
your confidence and strength are essential to fostering change in your
the survivors has shared their thoughts and advice on how to
boost your confidence and self-esteem when you are dealing with
emotional abuse in your relationship.
Here are the words of wisdom from emotional abuse survivors
1. Building my self-esteem is important, so to do this I try and surround
myself with positive people. I found positive people in my job, a patchwork
and quilting group I joined, and I go to a church where I can just be me!
Also, I went to a counselor over a period of time, and I moved from a
wretched, angry victim to a joyful survivor. Belonging to this Facebook group has also helped immensely.
2. Putting myself first and foremost, increasing my exercise and doing what brings me little contentment has really worked. I was able to get myself back and then i was able to start doing things properly for the kids. what i realized was that if i wasn’t happy then how could my kids be happy?
3. Talking to friends and family has really help, as i needed lots of validation, and sharing my experience gave me that. also talking to a homeless dude and buying him food made me realize that what i have is actually fairly dammed good.
4. Being sociable and flirting!
5. even though things are good, it’s not all rossy either. I still have that odd moment where i will sit cry and feel confused, but I also know that they are just passing moments, and I go with the flow and tell myself i’m being overly emotional. i’ll call a friend for support at that time, and yes we men do cry, and if we’re not scared to show it, it’s really helpful.
6. I try to remove the power of his negative words by trying to enjoy the things in life that he stole the joy out of with his constant critism. I can now listen to the music I love, watch the shows that i want, and eat what i want when i want.
7. I try to only watch, listen and surround myself with positive things. I constantly read the definition and examples of emotional abuse so i know when i need to not react and instead set up boundaries. I also take medication for anxiety which has helped tremendously. I am exercising and not holding myself back from doing things i enjoy and love.
8. Just getting out of the house, around people to just do some shopping is a big step for me, and seems to boost my self esteem a bit. I am never hardly allowed to be out of the house alone to go anywhere, and when i do, there is always a battle afterwards. it really isn’t worth the trouble it causes, but occasionally i throw caution to the wind and go somewhere far all by myself.
9. Prayer . . . lots of prayer. And being able to myself to others who are
currently going through similar circumstances, and receiving feedback from
10. Deep breathing exercises sometimes helps calm me down when
anxiety gets to me.
11. No contact with the abuser, ever!
12. Self talk in the mirror is powerful! “I AM awesome, I AM better than you
(abuser), I AM a friggin fantastic person,I am ____(insert whatever feel
good words come to mind),” but say these like you MEAN them! Put
positive and empowering feeling into all of them. Make sure they hear you
across the world!
13. Going for walks and getting fresh air has really helped. Even though
you might not want to be in anyone’s company while you are trying to deal
with your emotions, getting out of the house really works.
14. No contact and never believing what they say about you
15. I swim before work every weekday morning. I love it and find it really
relaxing. I also struggle with my weight and was a comfort eater. It has
really changed me and helped me to begin to,take some control back.
16. I felt tremendous strength after I left my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend. Leaving him was so difficult and scary. Even though I had a lot of
recovery work to do after leaving him, including a lot of feelings of anxiety,
loss, and humiliation, I also felt like I was finally standing authentically in my
strength. I had power in my life again!
17. Finding a support group online also helped me to feel like I was not
alone. Reading about emotional abuse and narcissism helped me begin to make sense of what had happened.
18. Processing my positives every day. Writing down ten positive things I
have done and achieved that day. For example, I might say, “Today I made
myself some breakfast. This means that I am looking after myself and
keeping healthy, as I deserve to be.” Simple and effective.
19. Journaling in my alone time.
20. Making declarations about how valuable I am and how much God loves
21. Writing a letter to him to let him know he cannot tell me how I think, feel
or believe. I will share it in the near future.
22. Be kind to yourself. Know that you are worth it.
23. I am jogging and walking every day to be able to deal with the panic
attacks. My confidence is very low. Outside work hours, I prefer to be on
my own, and when I think about another man or someone touching me, I’ve
get very upset and scared. I am badly broken and trying very hard to fix
24. Remember to write down all your achievements and strengths. Remind
yourself that you are unique, you are beautiful, you are gifted, life is
precious. Surround yourself with people who lift you.
25. I hadn’t set foot in a church for years because my ex didn’t like me to
go. The day I walked in the entire service was about Jesus loving me no
matter what and that we are made in His image. I now go regularly on
Sunday, attend Bible studies, listen to Christian podcasts and read
inspirational books. And whenever the old feelings crop up, I turn to my
faith. It really helps.
26. Be mindful of who you are physically spending time with, talking to,
texting, emailing, and talking to on social media. For me personally, if it isn’t
love or support, I choose not to communicate in any form until I get my
spirit right. But mostly I try to be grateful for the blessings in my life and try…
To be cont’d….